How to get rid of a ghost

Saying good bye to a ghost is not an easy thing. The Internet has a lot to say about it.
Saying good bye to a ghost is not an easy thing. The Internet has a lot to say about it.

There are sounds
that won’t let me sleep at night.
There are doors
that open and close by themselves,
water running at all hours.

There is a wardrobe where I store
these shadowed memories
these clothes that I wear no more.
It unlocks when I don’t look
or I’m distracted.

Then I’m back and I find the mess
everything thrown around, scattered.
Everything out where I can see it.

I trust the paranormally trained
I follow the advice of ghost hunters
the expert voices that arise
from the infernal expanse of the Internet[1].

They say
    Follow the spirit removal methods listed below
in order.

Do not threaten the ghost

Ask or demand politely[2];
ghosts often don’t know that they are dead;
Jolt it into awareness and
it will leave willingly.

The best way is to ignore them:
when you give a ghost attention
you give them power.

Eliminate other non-supernatural factors,
clean the house.

They say
sweep with a steady rhythm
sweep the entire house
with a broom made from natural fibers
and wet the broom in sacred water
or wash it afterwards
or just
burn it.

Never try to make direct contact
unless fully trained.

Burn sage.
Or just tell them to get lost[3]
and then ignore them.

Smudge with sage.
Set boundaries,
be assertive[4].

They say
    “Wherever you are
our revels now are ended.
We are such stuff as dreams are made on,
and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”[5]

Try hematite.

  1. I tried tried multiple search terms around ghosts and spirits and exorcistms. I found that the most useful tips happened when searching for ghosts rather than from spirits. Search patters that gave great results were "how to get rid of a ghost", "DIY ghost exorcism", "ghost hunting for beginners", "how to remove a ghost", "how to get a ghost out of your house", "removal of unwanted ghosts".
    "The infernal expanse of the internet" (from DIY Exorcisms: How to Get Rid of a Ghost) is my favorite categorization for all the stream of wonderful sites where I got all the tips from. So I took that one as well.
    More wonderful corners of this infernal expanse are The Haunt: home of everything ghost related ↩︎

  2. ↩︎
  3. ↩︎
  4. ↩︎
  5. Ted Olinger uses Shakespeare's words to convince ghosts to leave: From "The Tempest" and as spoken by Prospero:
    "Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
    As I foretold you, were all spirits and
    Are melted into air, into thin air:
    And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
    The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
    The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
    Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
    And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
    Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
    As dreams are made on, and our little life
    Is rounded with a sleep." ↩︎